i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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