just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
