From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
