they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
