You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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