Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
