just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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