Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
