Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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