Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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