Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
