Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
