I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
