So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Just pee around me
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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