She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
