Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
