I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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