3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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