maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
