Where did you get a picture of my penis
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
