fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
