i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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