I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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