we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
