hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
