I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
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