turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
