Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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