New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
