Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
