I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
