Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just pynch a tree in the face
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
