I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
im six kinds of drunk right now
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
