i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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