You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
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