not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
