Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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