It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
