what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
