Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
