i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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