Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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