if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize
