i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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