I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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