I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
