so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
