How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
