Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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