I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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