So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
