so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
