You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
