dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
