They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
