just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
