thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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