I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
