wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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