Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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