i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
