i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
