i just wanna soil my oats bro
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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