I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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