My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
