i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
