What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
