im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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