He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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