Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
