Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
