alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
