I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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