I wish I could teleport
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
